Celia Lozano

A través de las palabras

Tiempo (s)

Creada para construir, destruí más de lo que en su momento podía permitirme. Y como castigo,

recomponerme.

Empezar desde un cero que ojalá sólo hubiese sido metafórico.

Desde bien abajo, con esa carne sucia y viva que te deja el nerviosismo, con ese desnudo indebido que te deja la tristeza.

Por ello, ahora y a temporadas mi pincel y mi lápiz permanecen mudos. Callados. A veces no puedo hacerles olvidar lo que vieron… ni lo que fueron. Tantas palabras que encañoné en habitaciones en las que había firmado la paz. Tantos retratos de llantos donde prediqué felicidad.

Fui un Judas con labios rojos, las nubes no son para mí ya. Pacté con el diablo y aún a día de hoy sigo buscando la esperanza de que haya olvidado mi nombre. Qué inocente por mi parte. El cielo y el infierno me recordarán bien ya.

No hay flores que plante ni vidas que reconstruya para perdonar todo este pasado (en ese momento presente) que maté.

No seré perdonada nunca por no haber ido. Por haberme quedado sólo viendo la vida pasar, demasiado cobarde, demasiado lenta.

Asesinando al tiempo, básicamente. Ese es el peor pecado, dicen.

Ahora las deudas son altas.

Pero ahora me he creado.

Lo siento, no puedo acabar. No me dejan perder más tiempo.

Lo siento, de verdad pero no quiero pedir perdón más.

Realidad

…pero la realidad es un concepto

que se le escapa a la gente,

sitio incómodo para aquellos

que nunca tuvieron un hogar determinado.

 

Y no hablo de ti.

No.

No creas.

(más…)

Miradas

Y miradas que te paran el tiempo

y entonces ya no piensas

en las coordenadas de la perdida.

 
En la probabilidad de que ese todo tangible

se vuelva algo que solía tener,

o conocer.

Como otras muchas veces,

como otras muchas cosas,

como esa nada que lleva

ocho meses queriéndote,

y no te sientes carne de cañón,

si no sencillo,

frágil,

ligero…

bien.

 

Como deberías haber hecho,

hace mucho tiempo,

sin un pretexto.

 

Eso dicen los que saben,

hoy en día tan tristes,

tan extranjeros.

Mi chico vértigo

Eras mi chico vértigo.
Mi alocado.
Un funambulista discrepando con cualquier cosa que la vida le entregaba. Nunca me agarró pero siempre sentí tacto.
Nunca me besó pero siempre sentí amor.

Te escribo para no olvidarte.
Y te canto para no hablarte.
La ciudad está gris y nadie consigue nunca volver a teñirla de colores.

Lo han intentado pero no hay comparación aceptable.

Hacíamos del silencio una flor.
De cada adiós un suspiro.
Nada estuvo nunca establecido.
Nosotros tampoco nunca lo quisimos.

Los requisitos eran sólo ser.
Estar.
Nunca parecer.

 

Pero no llegamos a tiempo.
El ruido de las aceras no pudo callar tu silencio
y yo deshojé mil margaritas para ver si alguna te hacía gritar.
Nadie dijo nada.
Acalló como nunca nuestra ciudad.

 

Ahora, un tiempo después,
brillo por belleza y no por mis palabras,
como insinuaba esa canción de Lana del Rey,
tengo miedo del silencio y del vacío.
Tengo miedo de haber gastado todo el amor en un sólo disparo.
Y ni siquiera haber dado en el blanco.

La gente viene pero ahora sé que se van.
La gloria vuelve pero ahora sé que no es para siempre.
Todo es efímero.
Y yo.
Chico vértigo, has hecho que tenga miedo

 

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